Soul Food

I found this drafted post from before I had Lucy. It's fascinating to me to read this and see how different my life is now. I felt that I should post this even though it is years old, if nothing but for me to be able to look back and see my heart.

"Have you ever had the feeling that you were meant for more? Not in a selfish way, like I am meant to be famous and have billions of dollars and everyone will know my beautiful face; but more like you have this deep feeling that you can't deny that you were meant for something HUGE. Well that is how I feel. I am not sure if this is the Lord trying to direct me, but I have had this feeling since, well, forever.

I am not sure what this something huge is that I am to be a part of, but after a recent conversation with my mom I know I want to do everything in my power to figure it out. While I continue to persue teaching, and continue to get denied contracted positions I can't help but feel that I am where I am for a reason. I get to the point where I am praying hopeless prayers about my career and then the Lord delivers another interview or another opportunity for me to excell in teaching. I take that as a sign that I am supposed to move forward in this career, that maybe I am needing to be humbled or that I am helping someone in need in the position I am in. Well I can say that the Lord knows how sick I am of being stuck in position after position that financially and emotionally is eating away at me. AND I know that I need to wait on the Lord's timing, and I need to be happy I have a job in this wishy washy market, but I can't help but wonder if this is the Land Between where I am supposed to be having some amazing spiritual growth, or if I am missing opportunities that I am blind to because of this "idea" that I am supposed to be a teacher.

I will find the joy in each day. I will try my very hardest not to worry about where I am supposed to be, and just be. I will continue to wait on the Lord (but please hurry,will ya?) And I will stay faithful in prayer."