Dear Pride...

Have you ever had a day that went in the complete opposite direction than you had planned? I should know better than to plan out my day. I should know better than to set high expectations when staying home with a very active 10 month old.

Today started out as a good day. It is a special day in our house, as it is my husbands birthday, but this is how it all started...

I woke up a little earlier than usual as Lucy chose not to sleep in, not that big of a deal. We got up, ate some breakfast, took some 10 month pictures of her (because I forgot yesterday), cleaned up the kitchen a little bit and then it was time for nap number one of the day. Lucy drank a whole bottle and went to sleep and I knew I had time to do ALL my day's to do's.

I am going to wrap Mike's birthday gifts, I am going to bake Mike's birthday cake, I am going to take a shower and get dressed (still in my PJ's at this point), I am going to put away that last bit of laundry and pick up those few toys... and then the thought struck me that I should probably have a quiet time first. I didn't get a chance to this morning and I am trying really hard to be better about this.  Due to Lucy waking up before my early alarm, this time hadn't happened yet. I felt nudged to do some reading and praying.

I opened up one of my favorite books Praying God's Word: Breaking Free from Spiritual Strongholds by Beth Moore and read...my mind continued to play my to do list, but I still tried to read. AND then I read this:

My name is Pride. I am a cheater. 

I cheat you of your God-given destiny...because you demand your own way.

I cheat you of contentment...because you "deserve better than this."

I cheat you of knowledge...because you already know it all. 

I cheat you of healing...because you're too full of me to forgive. 

I cheat you of holiness...because you refuse to admit when you're wrong. 

I cheat you of vision...because you'd rather look in the mirror than out a window. 

I cheat you of genuine friendship...because nobody's going to know the real you.

I cheat you of love...because real romance demands sacrifice. 

I cheat you of greatness in heaven...because you refuse to wash another's feet on earth. 

I cheat you of God's glory...because I convince you to seek your own.

My name is Pride. I am a cheater. 

You like me because you think I'm always looking out for you. Untrue. 

I'm looking to make a fool of you. 

God has so much for you, I admit, but don't worry...

if you stick with me

You'll never know.

hmmm...it was something to ponder, something that hit me but I felt like I really needed to get started on my day's tasks. Then I heard crying...Lucy had only napped for 30 minutes (the last 5 days she had been napping for up to 2 hours for me!!) Ok so I started praying that God would have Lucy fall right back to sleep because I was still in my PJ's and hadn't gotten done anything I wanted to! I was on the verge of tears. I REALLY wanted that shower today.

After I grabbed a still crying Lucy, I became convinced I could still take on the world.
Long story short, today turned into a disaster and what I read about Pride continued to ring in my ears as I was beginning to realize I may have more Pride in me than I care to admit. Everything started falling apart this afternoon. Lucy cried for over an hour, those dang teeth are coming in slower than molasses! The cake...Mike's favorite red velvet cake...didn't look so great. I made this homemade icing that you cook, and it just wasn't enough to cover the red cake. The cake seemed to sit a little crooked on my plate. I was getting really annoyed...and I'm not sure why (pride maybe?).

After calling my mom and sister, they came to the rescue and informed me that I was supposed to cut part of the cake to make it flat to help the layers sit right - oops! The white icing now looked like it had red sprinkles everywhere because the cake was falling apart, and only half of it was iced. Meanwhile, poor Lucy is being handed cheerios and anything and everything to keep her busy. It looked like my plan of a clean house, a beautiful birthday cake, and wrapped presents awaiting my husband was disappearing.

What you don't see in this picture is the mound of extra cake that was cut/fell off. 

All of this to say I realized that I was getting so frustrated and was in a bad mood at this point all because of something I hate to admit I have....pride. My mom and sister kept telling The cake will still taste great!, Just put some sprinkles on it., Use another type of icing. All of these are great ideas, but because of that little tricky thing called Pride, I was not accepting it. I was demanding my own way and I just knew that I knew it all in that moment. I was frustrated because I didn't have the gifts wrapped, I never got a shower, my kitchen was a disaster, Lucy wasn't eating when I wanted her to, the white cake I had imagined in my head looked like it had come down with a case of the chicken pox, and I was just done.

Pride is self-absorption whether we're absorbed with how miserable we are or how wonderful we are. -Beth Moore, Praying God's Word

I wanted everything to be perfect. I wanted Mike to walk in the door and be thrilled with this beautiful cake I had made for him. I wanted him to be overwhelmed with love and feel special on his birthday and be ready to have the evening of his dreams.

I made more icing and the cake survived.

I tried to wrap Mike's gift....and the wrapping paper was out, and so was the tape. 

My sink is full. 

I am still yet to shower. (No need for a picture here)

Mike came home and saw my creation...

 he was thrilled for a moment and then this happened. 

Dear Pride, 

I caught you today trying to ruin a special day in my house. Now leave. I have been humbled. I am content with my house being a mess. I am overwhelmed and in awe of the two special people in my life that are asleep in the other room right now. I am thrilled that I don't know it all because it allows me to have moments like today, where I can now laugh at the disaster of a cake I made and I got the joy of experiencing it along with two of my best friends that I get to call my mom and sister. I am happy that I haven't showered today because wearing  jeans and an old t-shirt is the real me. Oh pride, you don't need to come back anytime soon. I have learned my lesson for today.
Sincerely,
Sarah

The American Myth

I hope my brother doesn't mind me writing this post, seeing as the idea came to me from one of his key phrases we love to discuss. The American Dream, or as he calls it the American Myth. These are my thoughts on the issue.

The American Myth

It's sad but honestly there are days when I find it to be more true than ever. 

Our church is doing a series of sermons on the topic of "Trading Up" which got me thinking about material things. Our society begs us to do just this, Trade Up; get the new phone, new car, new sweater, new watch, new kitchen appliances, new couch, new shoes, new purse, new decor, new house, new new new new NEW. Before I continue, please know that there isn't always a problem with getting something new or replacing something that is in need of repair or just plain old. When it comes in excess or is feeding a high that you can't fulfill anywhere else, we've got a problem. I succumb to trading up often, or at least am teased daily and battle my heart and mind hourly. I see the new (insert material thing) that my neighbor has, and instantly mine is garage sale worthy and I find myself wallowing in self-pitty and am convincing myself that Lucy now needs the new (material thing). Does anyone else relate? Maybe not to that extreme, but even going to other people's houses I find myself envious of the new countertops or hardwood floors, or the cool finished basement ( I LOVE my house by the way). I hate that I start comparing myself and my things to people the second I see something I like that I don't have. I want to trade up. I want the new granite countertops, I want the tile floor, I want the fancy toys they have surrounded their kids with. I want to go to Earth Fare and Whole Foods and spend  our whole monthly budget on delicious, fancy, organic food. I want to drive a new car with leather seats and the newest gadgets inside. I want to go on an extravagant vacation. I would be lying if I told you I didn't want these things, or at least have wanted them at some point. 

I battle everyday to aspire to the American Dream I grew up learning about. I battle between the person God has called me to be, and the person I envision in my dreams. The American Dream is a Myth. We don't NEED every fancy new gadget out there, we don't need to go into debt to shop at the "right" places. We don't need the newest car or latest technology. We don't need to go into thousands upon thousands of dollars of debt to get a degree that we will live the rest of our lives trying to pay off. 

The American Dream is great. You go to college. You get hired right out of college and are earning six figures right away doing what you love most. You buy a new car and a new house. You get married and have 2.5 kids and have a beautiful green yard that just happens to grow perfectly every year. You have no maintenance issues with anything in your life. You get promoted every year to a higher salary and this doesn't include the all inclusive vacation that your company gives you every Christmas. You live happily ever after in the suburbs of the city of your choice. 

The reality that I see is this. You think that you will get hired right away, sadly today's economy differs. That there will be pay raises, you may just get the opposite. You may have to buy a used car, or if you buy new realize you will be going into debt to do so. You may not be able to afford a down payment for that dream home of yours. You may have trouble having kids. You may have to pay an insane amount of money to be debt free after college. You will have to pay to keep your grass green. You will randomly have to shell out a lot of money to get rid of critters (something we are dealing with now). We are teasing ourselves if we think that the American Dream is something that is easy and common for everyone. That just isn't the case. 

I battle with the devil telling me You're not good enough, what you have isn't enough, you need what other people have. It's the "grass is always greener" trap my mind plays with me when I am not constantly reminding myself of who I am and who God calls and has called me to be. I recently read in Sarah Young's Jesus Calling,

"If you gaze too long at your circumstances, you will become dizzy and confused. Look to Me, refreshing yourself in My presence, and your steps will be steady and sure."

This phrase has continued to play in my head the last few weeks, as I have been wanting to "trade up" my vehicle. Lucy is now in the larger car seat and I have a heck of a time getting her in and out of my car. My husband and I have very reliable cars, that have been wonderful to us. And more importantly we own them. I know I don't need a new car, but I want one. It would make my life easier, not that that is reason enough. We have been looking at vans and SUV's and I just want a bigger car. I feel selfish even writing those words, as I know there are hundreds of thousands of people out there that have a need for something much greater, like food or water. It's turned into almost an obsession when I am out and about and compare cars. I have been praying about it...and one thing I know for sure. God will provide when it's necessary, I can continue to do gymnastic moves with Lucy to get her in and out of the car (it will be like a game), and I don't need the brand new mini van that just came off the line. The American myth has shown me that it isn't worth killing ourselves over something that is so temporary. I am sure when Lucy is 16 she will have no recollection of what car I was driving when she was one or what I had to do to get her in it. 

The American Dream is a myth. The grass isn't always greener. Sometimes that old car will give you the memories some people dream of having.