You are enough. You out there, reading this. You are enough. Whoever you are, whatever your circumstances, whatever your desires, dreams, goals...You are enough.
The other night I was thinking about all of the things I wish I had gotten done off my to-do list, all of the fun crafts/activities I wish I had accomplished with my kids and I just had a moment where I felt like the Holy Spirit spoke to me and said, "Enough. Stop 'doing' and just sit in my presence and realize YOU are enough".
My deepest desire for my kids and those around me is for them to feel valued, to know they are enough. For those I encounter on a daily basis to feel loved, noticed, and important. God has been working on me for years in ways that all point to the importance of people, of relationships, of hospitality, of taking time to have conversations with people, of recognizing the impact of a listening ear, showing up, and taking time to notice people's mannerisms/needs. Through trials of my own, I get frustrated with the lack of connection, lack of people taking time for one another, the lack of people's ability to slow down and be available, even for people they love. With my frustrations, have come my prayers for community and God has been so faithful in answering those prayers. I also am extremely blessed with a family that's MO is "show up". My husband jokes that we are like Everybody Loves Raymond accept no one is annoying - ha! Needless to say, my expectations were set high for what I wanted in my friendships, but I also didn't always want to show up for those I didn't know. Seriously, what is wrong with me? I want people to show up for me, but yet I lack the desire to take effort when I don't know the person as well as I think I should. I have needed to learn how to get over myself....it's still a struggle. For those that I've hurt, I hope you can forgive me. For those that I fell short in listening, caring, loving, and showing up for, please forgive me.
I've prayed. I've been on my knees and weeped over my desire to see God in my daily life. Cried out to feel the Holy Spirit in me. To stop doubting. I specifically remember in moments of doubt thinking, 'How do I expect my child to be confident in who Christ is, if I'm doubting Him?' God showed up for weeks after that prayer, in ways that can only be explained by the presence of the Holy Spirit. I have story after story from the month after I prayed for God to show up in my life. I'll have to write about those later.
I fail. I fail a lot. But what a beautiful thing is grace. What a beautiful thing is God's mercy. His love. His desire to love us even as we/I continue to make mistake, after mistake, after mistake. God is so good. I hope you hear that through my words. I hope you see that through my writing. I hope you know you are enough. You are doing enough. God doesn't care about your to-do list....or maybe He does, but I've found more often then not he's telling me to sit back and just know I can come as I am, with wet hear, pajamas on, sitting in a room that is in dire need of a cleaning lady and be fully, completely loved because God is more than enough for me. And I am, as I am, enough.
