After writing about the top reason's we don't want to cook, I thought about why we as a culture lack inviting people into our homes. It is common for people to get together, but often it is over coffee or out for a breakfast or lunch date. Very rarely are we inviting our neighbors, community, even our closest friends into our homes. I often wonder why it has become a cultural norm to meet with friends out but not in. Years ago, it was common to host gatherings with neighbors, church groups, and neighborhood barbecues. Just watch a show like 'The Wonder Years' or a movie like 'Sandlot' and it will bring longings of the past, or maybe that's just me. I long for simpler times. When children swarmed the street at the sound of the ice cream truck, instead I often look out my window's and see empty streets and sidewalks. Maybe I'm being a bit dramatic, but I do wonder what it would have been like to raise my kids in
a world known for hospitality instead of a world priding itself on independence.
a world known for hospitality
When my husband and I bought our house I remember praying, hoping, dreaming it would be a home full of people. I vividly remember before we even found our home I prayed for our future neighbors and community. This desire to be surrounded by authentic community still burns inside of me, especially more so now that we are raising children. What will they see? What will they remember about their childhood? Did we choose television and nights in, instead of gatherings and game nights? Did we choose going to the park alone instead of inviting our friends to come along? Did we choose to sit at our table each night and never offer our neighbor or friend a warm meal? What is stopping us from having people we are in relationships with in our homes? What is drawing us into living a life of solitude?
What will they see?
God calls us to more. God calls us to having relationships. He made us in his image and he was all about having a relationship with US and others. And building community. Oh the power of community. And so my Top 7 Reasons for why we don't invite people IN:
1 Corinthians 11:33
'So then, my brothers and sisters, when you gather to eat, you should all eat together.'
#1 The Mess
We don't want people to see how we really live. The full sink, the unswept carpets, the piles of laundry waiting to be folded, the half eaten food still left on the table from breakfast, the overflowing trashcan, the pile of papers that just can never find a home. Is any of this ringing a bell for anyone? Is it just me? I feel like I have to clean like a mad women every time I hear someone may be entering our door. Even if it is semi-decent I run around like a crazy person throwing piles into our bedroom or shoving miscellaneous piles into our closets. Confession over. But yes I tend to think it's the state of people's homes that allows us greet people outside and bolt our doors closed. Or maybe how we perceive our mess - it's usually not as bad as we think.
#2 The Ease of TV or Solo Time
Ok this is not to shame anyone AT ALL. I love me some good television time. Netflix binges are my friend, especially when the house is asleep and I have the controls BUT do we use our televisions and relaxation time as an excuse to not gather? Something to ponder, because I know it is much easier for me to push plans back and lounge on the couch then take the energy to entertain. Which in my idea of perfect hospitality, it would take no energy because we would be allowing people to enter into our lives, messy as they can be.
#3 Hello, I'm Martha. I have to DO more and make everything Perfect.
If you haven't read my post on
Mary and Martha, please do. I am what I like to call 'A Martha'. I take Pinterest as a challenge to make every gathering an event. The irony in this is Jesus calls us to be Mary. Forget about the pots, pans, doilies, decorations, pom poms, and just invite people into your homes. My aunt Judy gave me some great advice a few years back and she said these simple words 'Just offer whatever you have." That's it people. If its PB&J, a hot dog, offer it. It doesn't have to be a filet people, some of my fondest memories are over saltine crackers and jam! My mom tells me of times she gathered with groups of women over grilled cheese and canned tomato soup - it really can't be so hard. The struggle is real, I get it. I'm a doer, I'm a Martha. I want the themes and perfect little food signs. I get it, but don't let it stop you from having people over.
#4 Money, money, money!
This goes along with Martha up there ^, it can cost money to entertain. More mouths to feed BUT I hope you don't let this stop you. If you can relax and just offer what's in your fridge, then hopefully it won't cost too much...I find the cost comes when I'm trying to make it a THING and make everything perfect and make more food than is needed. I'd love to eat left overs with you, you, my friend, seriously left over pizza is just fine with me especially if that means I can be talking to an adult over lunch instead of my kiddo's. I won't be offended if you offer me last night's dinner. The truth of the matter is it can cost money, but have a pitch-in or pot-luck, offer popcorn and water, cheese and crackers, grilled cheeses! I have an air-popper and I can make a TON of popcorn for very little cost.
#5 Lack of Confidence in the Kitchen
I love to bake and I still struggle with this. Does having people over stress you out? Do you scramble to look through your recipes and can't find what to make? Are you known for burning dishes? I think with practice comes confidence, but I also think people just want to be around people. I love food, but when it's all said in done I like to be around friends and family. If we are having egg sandwiches, breakfast for dinner, or PB&J's that's ok. Also, some of my best memories are around failed attempts in the kitchen - read about my latest
here.
#6 I Don't Have Enough Space
This is the excuse I like to use for not hosting large gatherings and it can be a real thing. I want a house full of people. I also want my friends to bring their families, kids and all. My house is lovely but kinda smallish to host large gatherings with lots of kids. Now summer time, we can throw kids outside, but my excuse is often 'Where would all of the people go?'. Even now as I'm planning a 1st Birthday for my son, I think of everyone I want to invite and realize the space may not work. My thoughts on this are sure to change, but I think of my grandma's house where 30+ aunts, uncles, cousins, spouses, grandchildren, great grandchildren would gather for every Christmas and she lived in a 50's ranch....we made it work. We had an amazing time. I'm trying not to 'sweat it'.
#7 Anxiety
Does having people in your home bring on anxiety? Do you stress before anyone enters your doors? I was baffled by the thought of this but I get it. I clean like a mad women before people come over, I try to plan out meals and scramble to get laundry put away. I get frustrated with my kids for not moving quickly enough and I am short-tempered all because we may have someone over. This is definitely true to my personality but thankfully I'm learning to change. Through lots of prayer, and deep breaths, and really acknowledging that I desire a messy hospitality, I think I'm growing in this area. I desire friends feeling welcome to walk through my door at any moment, morning, noon, and night. I desire to be that friend that everyone knows will always offer a cup of coffee, crackers, Pb&J, whatever's in my fridge, and yes that may even be left overs. I would love to have an abundance of friends that would be ok walking in my door when I'm unshowered, bra-less, and still in my mis-matched pjs (I sound lovely, don't I?). Do you want that? I think of the show 'Friends', 'Seinfeld', 'Cheers', really any show that is based on a group of friends. They are so much a part of each others lives that they walk in and out of each others apartments and homes whenever they please. And that is ok because they are a community.And maybe you don't want to be a mess when someone walks in your door, that's ok too...I just prefer the latter.
Anxiety is a real thing, I am never going to guilt someone for feeling a certain way or struggling with this. I hope my thoughts at least challenged you and that you can talk to someone, and prayfully consider why you are anxious having others enter your home or lives.
And I'll leave you with this, Genesis 28:3
'May God Almighty bless you and make you fruitful and increase your numbers until you become a community of peoples.'
Thanks for reading!