Recently a mom's group I am a part of had talked about community and the importance of having authentic relationships. Our church also recently did a series of sermons on having a Harbor, having a group of friends that really know you, that are like family for you (assuming the word family brings up happy visions and faces). Mike and I have a fantastic small group of friends that we meet with EVERY Monday night. I love our small group. I also find community with the mom's group I attend. I love these women and it is so fun to discuss life and the latest mommy struggles of the week. These women are great. I encourage you to seek out such groups!
See I love the communities I have found. But something hit me this week. I was listening to a speaker at my mom's group and the speaker said something that has continued to resurface in my mind. How many of your friends have refrigerator rights? I loved this phrase refrigerator rights. I think back to all my memories as a kid, hanging out with my bestie and knowing I could raid their pantry and refrigerator and get all the "cool" snacks my mom would never buy. We could be watching a movie and I would make my friend go get my snacks out of the fridge because I was too lazy or didn't want to miss the next scene (selfish much?) but hey I could because I was a kid and I was with my friend and we had refrigerator rights. So I have been pondering this. Who in my life right now, outside of family, has refrigerator rights in my life? What can I do? I have great friends that I really wouldn't care if they got in my fridge, but do I have a relationship that is so comfortable, so real, so informal that they (my friend) would be ok to just get in my fridge and take whatever they needed or wanted? A friend that could walk into my house like Steve Urkel whenever they needed to, just to say hi or borrow an egg? I think I need more of this in my life. More of the messy friends, people that can show up and see my stacks of laundry, dirty dishes, papers stacked in my to-do pile and me not feel the urg to apologize.
After talking a little bit in my mom's group, I found that there are other people like me that want these things. I often feel people are so busy with their lives I'm hesitant to invite others in. So busy doing great things even that they don't always have time to be a messy friend or they already have "enough" of those.
Community is something Mike and I talk about a lot. It is something we have prayed about, and have seen the answered prayers. I guess I feel like something is missing sometimes. I don't know if I am looking for a Cheers like environment where everyone would know MY name, but something along those lines is what I envision. A community of friends that I could welcome into my home, my family, that could come to our holiday events. Grand celebrations of life with family, including these friends.
That brings me to my next thought. As a new mom, well 10 months new, I often think of what I want Lucy to take away from our life as a family. One day she will grow up to be an adult, sooner than I hope, and she will be making huge decisions on her own. What will she take away? I want her to have community. I want Lucy to grow up knowing she is surrounded by a community that if she didn't want to talk to me (heaven forbid) there would be other amazing adults (my friends) that she could trust.
I am grateful for my family. Anyone that knows me well, knows that my family can easily turn into my world. We all live close together, they pop in daily, sometimes multiple times a day. If they don't pop in, we pop over. Just the other night my mom brought over 2 steaks she didn't have time to cook, so she thought we could use them - Thank you Mom! It's great, but I know not everyone has this experience. I guess I want to expand my "family", and hand out some refrigerator rights...not because I think I'm SO great, but because I know I am so broken. Our speaker said, "You may just have to ask someone to be your friend." So if you are looking for a friend, know there are many others out there and you may just need to ask....and you always have permission to ask me. In the mean time, I'm going to work harder on being invitational and actually inviting people into our crazy life.
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| Thanks Barry Rodriguez for the fantastic family photos! |
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